Grandparents and grandchildren 15–20 years old "I'm an adult!" - Yes, but who pays the subscription?

Somewhere between 15 and 20 years old, something strange happens.

The grandchild is starting to think he's an adult.

The grandparents nod understandingly.

"Yes, of course you're an adult."

Pause.

"But who pays the mobile subscription?"

There we have the transition between youth and adulthood in one sentence.

This period is about freedom, identity, love, friends, education, money and the desire to make decisions for themselves. At the same time, parents still have some rules, while grandparents often take on the role of the slightly freer generation.

Between two worlds

A 17-year-old may feel very grown-up on Monday and very young on Thursday.

Monday:

"I decide for myself."

Thursday:

"Grandma, can you tip me 300 kroner?"

It is not necessarily hypocrisy.

It is development.

Young people should gradually move from being children to becoming independent adults.

Grandparents should therefore start changing their role.

Less control.

More respect.

More conversation.

Parents' rules are still parents' rules

If parents have rules about curfews, school, finances, or drugs, grandparents should not encourage the youth to break them.

But grandparents can be a conversation partner.

It can actually be very valuable.

Young people may find it easier to talk to their grandmother about certain things than to their parents.

Not because the parents are bad.

But because the relationship is different.

Grandmother as confidant

A young person can bring:

"Grandma, I have to tell you something, but you can't tell Mom."

Then grandma will have to think about it.

Some things can be private.

Other things are about safety and must be communicated to parents or other adults.

It is therefore important not to promise:

"I never say anything."

Better is:

"I will respect what you tell me. But if I become seriously concerned about you, I may need to help you get support."

It is both honest and safe.

Advice without a lecture

Grandparents have life experience.

But life experience is not the same as a definitive answer.

A 65-year-old grandfather may have a lot to teach.

But the world that young people will live in is not necessarily the same world that grandfather grew up in.

Working life is different.

The technology is different.

Dating is different.

The economy is different.

Communication is different.

Therefore, the councils should be open.

"That's how I did it."

Not:

"This is what you should do."

When youth make mistakes

This is perhaps the most important part of the grandparent role.

Young people are going to make mistakes.

Some are small.

Others can have major consequences.

The grandparents' job is not to prevent all mistakes.

It's impossible.

The task may rather be to help young people learn from them.

Track:

"What happened?"

“What do you think you could have done differently?”

“What can you do now to correct the situation?”

It teaches more than:

"What did I say?"

Unfortunately, that sentence has never saved the world.

Money – the eternal grandparenting question

Young people often need money.

And grandparents might want to help.

That's nice.

But financial help should not become a way to buy love or loyalty.

"If you visit me, you will get 500 kroner."

can quickly become a bad business model.

Better is:

“I’d love to help you when you need it, but we can also talk about how you can learn to manage your money.”

18 years: Now it's actually different

When young people come of age, a lot of legal changes occur.

But emotionally, the transition doesn't happen overnight.

You don't wake up on your 18th birthday and think:

"Amazing! Now I have complete control over my life."

Many people think instead:

“Why is the electricity bill so high?”

This is the period when grandparents can move from caregiver to advisor.

19–20 years: Adult, but still a grandchild

Even when the grandchild is 20 years old, the relationship does not disappear.

It changes.

The grandparents can still be the ones inviting you to dinner.

But now they can also ask:

“What do you want to do with your life?”

And actually listen to the answer.

Maybe the youth will want to study.

Maybe work.

Maybe travel.

Maybe do something completely different than what the family expects.

The most important thing is not that the grandparents understand everything.

The most important thing is that they show interest.

Grandparents also need to keep up with the times

If Grandma still thinks Snapchat is a type of photo book, she might need a course.

If Grandpa says:

"I sent you a TikTok on Facebook."

Maybe it's time for a technical conversation.

But this goes both ways.

Young people can also learn from their grandparents.

How do you repair things?

How do you make food from scratch?

How do you handle a difficult colleague?

How do you save money?

How do you keep a promise?

It's knowledge that isn't always found on Google.

The most important thing: Respect goes both ways.

The youth deserve respect.

Grandparents also deserve respect.

That doesn't mean you always agree.

This means that you can disagree without destroying the relationship.

Grandparents don't have to win every argument.

Sometimes it's actually better to say:

"I don't agree with you, but I respect that this is your choice."

It's adult communication.

Termination

From the age of 15 to 20, your grandchild goes through one of the biggest transitions in life.

Grandparents should stop being people who say:

"Do it like that."

to:

“What do you think?”

It's not about losing control.

It is to give further responsibility.

And perhaps this is precisely what makes grandparents so important:

They can be the adult who says:

"You don't have to be perfect. But you do have to take responsibility for your choices."

And when the youth one day says:

“Grandma, you were actually right.”

Then grandma should smile.

But by all means:

Don't say, "What did I say?"

It could ruin the whole moment.

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