Grandparents and grandchildren 20–30 years old "Thanks for the advice – I'll do the opposite of course"

Now the grandson is officially an adult.

Of course, that means the grandparents have to stop worrying.

Of course.

Just not completely.

For 20-30 year olds, they need to find a job, a home, a partner, finances and direction in life. Sometimes all at the same time.

The grandparents stand on the sidelines and think:

"Should I say something?"

And then comes the classic question:

“Do you want some advice?”

The answer could be:

"No."

But Grandpa has already started.

From upbringing to relationship

This is perhaps the biggest change in the grandparent role.

The grandchild no longer needs upbringing.

It needs relationship.

That doesn't mean grandparents are any less important.

In many ways they can become more important.

Now the conversations can be about life.

Work.

Love.

Economy.

Family.

Dreams.

Error.

Choice.

When the grandchild moves away from home

For many, their 20s are the start of an independent life.

Suddenly you have to pay rent.

Current.

Food.

Insurance.

Transportation.

Telephone.

And all the other things that parents previously just "fixed."

Then grandparents can become very valuable.

Not necessarily because they have to pay the bills.

But because they can share experience.

"We bought a house for 300,000"

This is a phrase grandparents should use with caution.

It's an interesting story.

But that's not necessarily useful financial advice.

The housing market has changed.

Working life has changed.

Interest rates and costs change.

Therefore, grandparents should instead say:

"When we bought a house, the situation was like this..."

and then ask:

“How are you?”

Love and cohabitation

When their grandchild gets a girlfriend, the grandparents can get very involved.

Sometimes a little too committed.

“Is he kind?”

"What does she do for a living?"

"Where are you going to live?"

"When are you getting married?"

"When are the great-grandchildren coming?"

Calm.

Breath.

Maybe the 25-year-old just wants to eat dinner.

Don't plan for the great-grandchildren

This is a good principle.

The grandchild's life is the grandchild's life.

Whether, when and how they want a family is their choice.

Grandparents can rejoice.

But they shouldn't turn their expectations into pressure.

When the grandchild chooses differently

This is perhaps the most difficult part.

Grandparents may have strong opinions about education, work, residence, or partner.

But adulthood requires that the grandchild be allowed to make their own choices.

Maybe the grandchild doesn't want the "safe" job.

Maybe it will start a business.

Maybe move to another country.

Maybe live alone.

Maybe choose a lifestyle your grandparents don't understand.

It's okay to ask.

It is not necessary to approve everything.

But love should not be conditional on the grandchild living the way the grandparents think is right.

Grandparents' experience can be gold

When advice comes at the right time, it can be invaluable.

For example:

“I made a financial mistake when I was 28. I learned that it's a good idea to have some money in reserve.”

It is better than:

“You need to save more.”

The first one tells a story.

The second one sounds like an order.

Technology is reversing the roles

Something funny is happening here.

In childhood, the grandparents taught their grandson to walk.

Now the grandson is teaching the grandparents how to use technology.

"Grandpa, you have to press there."

“I did.”

"No."

"Yes."

"You pressed the wrong button."

"There are too many buttons."

And suddenly the generations are back in kindergarten.

30 approaching

A lot often happens between the ages of 20 and 30.

Some are establishing themselves.

Others start over.

Some find love.

Others are going through breakups.

Some people buy homes.

Other tenants.

Some people have children.

Others choose a life without children.

There is no universal recipe.

The grandparents' most important contribution may be to remind their grandchildren of:

“You don’t have to follow someone else’s schedule.”

When life goes wrong

A strong grandparent–grandchild relationship doesn't only manifest itself when everything is going well.

If your grandchild loses their job, goes through a breakup, or makes a financial mistake, it's important to be there without using the situation to prove you were right.

"I knew this was going to happen."

is rarely helpful.

"What do you need right now?"

is better.

Termination

Between the ages of 20 and 30, the grandchild goes from youth to established adult.

The grandparents must therefore also change.

Less control.

More respect.

Less "you should."

More “have you thought about…?”

A good relationship is not about the grandchild following the grandparents' advice.

It's about the grandchild knowing where to go when life gets difficult.

And maybe the day will come when the phone rings:

“Grandma, can I ask you something?”

Then you have done a lot right.